


when nothing was everything

by staysharp



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Angst, Anyways, Fluff, God - Freeform, Like, M/M, Who am I, and i was being fucking lazy, and i wrote 2.5k words today, and i've been kind of in this weird state, and then i saw the art (tm), and they drew a thing, because it is fabulous, but more the fact that life is a thing, is later in, klance, now to the general tagging, please support the artist, reblog the art, so first of all, the world may never know, this will be added onto, where it's not writer's block, yaxxm is a terrific klance artist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-09-27 21:00:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10049072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staysharp/pseuds/staysharp
Summary: He’d always been like that, valuing others over himself.If anything, he thought, they should all know that by now.And he closed his eyes.After all, it was nothing.





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Yaxxm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yaxxm/gifts).



> the link to the artist's piece is in the first piece of dialogue spoken by lance!
> 
> hope you like it!

The door closed and Lance finally hit the cold floor.

His fingers grasped at his shoulder, the sensation a burning one on top of the stinging of his gaping wound. Lance clenched his teeth, digging his fingers in when he knew damn well he shouldn’t. But if anything, it was nothing.

It was nothing.

A small smile made his lips part slightly as he held on, the pain searing into nothingness. “[Better me than them](http://yaxxm.tumblr.com/post/157677747591/this-has-been-sitting-in-my-doodles-folder-for).” The chains around his wrists were nothing, the ones on his ankles, nothing. Being there was nothing. “Right?” He tasted the last word in his mouth, the smile disappearing, settling back into a thin line. His head started to feel fuzzy and he groaned, loosening his grip on his injured shoulder, breathing becoming a little bit harder.

He swallowed, eyelids becoming a little heavier each time he blinked, memorizing what could very well be his last glimpse of anything.

“Lance!” He grimaced at the sound of Keith’s voice over the transmission from his helmet.

“Buddy?” Hunk asked, and Lance grit his teeth.

Lance?” called out Pidge, and everything was so close to going away.

“Lance!” Shiro’s voice was loud, distinct. “Talk to us! Where did they take you?”

He could’ve answered but it seemed unfair to have anyone come get him if it meant they were in danger along with him. Lance moved his hand slowly down to his upper arm, holding it close, trying to feel something, something to convince him that this sacrifice was nothing.

He’d always been like that, valuing others over himself.

 _If anything_ , he thought, _they should all know that by now_.

And he closed his eyes.

After all, it was nothing.

That was exactly what worried everyone, especially Keith.

“That idiot,” he muttered to himself as he boarded the Galra ship, his anger driving him to move faster, fight faster, and think faster. His emotions came to a spilling point as he got to a floor that was lined with thick black doors. The only way to see in were singular panes of glass.

Keith’s throat felt raw as he looked in window after window, not seeing Lance, and the feeling got stronger. “Lance,” he struggled, wanting to shout but his voice slowly was becoming lost to him. “Lance, where are you? Please, please be here.” He approached the last door, pressed his palm against it and looked down at his feet, the tears beginning to well in his eyes. “Please.”

He held his breath as he looked inside, unable to tell if this was it. A tear slid down his cheek as he looked away from the door, preparing himself to look back and when he did, it was then that his eyes widened as he took in a familiar silhouette, one he had fallen in love with over the course of being together.

A smile tugged at the corner of Keith’s lips momentarily before it faded away, easily, once he realized Lance was awfully still, in a sort of small position. He immediately backed away, and without letting anyone else know he’d found him, he extracted his hand from his glove. Taking a deep breath, he placed it on the scanner that would prove that his blood wasn’t a curse but a blessing. “Come on,” he urged, waiting, waiting, and it worked.

He bit his lower lip as the door slid open, letting light spill into the prison cell, and there he was. Keith pressed his hand to the open doorway, fear flooding his body as soon as he got the clearer picture. His eyes widened, his lower lip beginning to quiver slightly as he took in Lance, eyes shut, still, with a gaping wound still bleeding down and around his right shoulder.

“L-Lance?” Keith attempted, mouth becoming drier with every passing second.

There was no response from the blue paladin and Keith removed his helmet slowly, his vision starting to become blurry, unstable. He urged himself forward, each footstep heavy and almost anchoring, in that they knew there was a chance he was too late. As Keith tried to push back the thought with each step, his eyes began to sting, taking in the sight of Lance practically motionless.

He choked at the sight of how quiet he was, how this was never him. The lack of the smile, the bright smile and the bright being he was. It killed Keith to know that Lance had always thought of himself as less than the wonderful, caring, beautiful, and blessed gift of light he really was. He bit down on his lower lip, as memories started to crash down onto him, bringing him to his knees as he knelt in front of Lance.

He looked as though he was sleeping, gone from everything.

“Lance?” Keith whispered, throat raw with an unbearable scratchiness to it. “Lance?” He tried again and the boy in front of him did not stir. Again, again, and again he tried but there was no response. At this point, the tears were coming faster than before. He lowered his head, a sob escaping his chest, and his helmet rolled out of his hands onto the floor, clacking into Lance’s.

At that, Keith wanted to disappear, to fade into nothing by the tightness constricting his chest. “No,” he managed, “no, no, no!” His voice escalated and he raised his head quickly, looking at Lance’s unresponsive face once more.  “This is not happening!” He almost growled and then lost it due to the weakness his body was trying to keep in place. “It’s not.” He assured himself, before allowing himself to raise his right hand and place it on the side of Lance’s face. “Lance, c’mon, wake up.” He pressed his hand a little closer, still not getting a response. “ God, c’mon!” He patted his face a little, restraining himself for a second before trying again. “Oh my god,” he said, weakly. “Lance, c’mon.” His hand was shaking. “You gotta wake up.” He clenched his teeth as the boy he was in love with was failing to wake up.

That familiar wave of despair washed over him, telling to give up, let go, leave. Keith’s hand began to slip from Lance’s face until he stopped it, curling his fingers in as he kept it pressed to the blue paladin’s cheek. With a shaky breath, Keith raised his other hand so that he held Lance’s face firmly. He pressed his palms more insistently as he kept trying.

“You idiot,” he repeated, louder this time. “God, how could you even think this...this was okay?” His chest became tighter than ever before and he was forced to tone it down to a whisper. Everything was slipping away and his everything was right in his hands. Keith bit down on his tongue, the tears hot as they slipped into the corners of his tightly pressed lips. “God.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “You asshole!” The tears kept coming and it was like nothing Keith had ever known. He continued to press tighter, squeezing Lance’s face, to generate some sort of movement. “You have to get-” A sob wracked through Keith’s body, cutting his plea off. He continued to keep his eyes shut, squeezing the tears out so that they curled underneath his chin and fell into his hair and hit the cold prison floor. “You have to get up!”

“Keith?” It was the softest noise and it almost went unnoticed as Keith, breathing unevenly, let his eyes fly open, hope written all over his face that he hadn’t been hearing things. His heart almost stopped as he saw Lance open his eyes slightly, a glimpse of blue, a response as he looked downwards. Keith sucked in a breath, the corners of his mouth desperate to pull up into a small, incredulous smile. Slowly, little by little, Lance raised his eyes and made eye contact.

“Oh my god,” Keith managed, a shaky smile flowering as he used his thumb to stroke Lance’s cheek, slowly, relaxing his hold on his face, almost withdrawing his hands. “Lance, I-” He struggled to find the right thing to say; no words were sufficient enough to convey everything.

Everything.

The feeling of almost losing Lance swallowed him up, the idea that words were so insignificant in the vastness of space, in life and death, and in love. He opened his mouth slightly, as if to speak, when he remembered just how much this boy meant to him.

How much this boy had changed his life, even if this boy didn’t believe he had any sort of effect on anyone.

“God.” Keith said this softly, the word becoming lost in the whoosh of air that came from his body leaning forward, holding Lance’s face steady as he kissed him. It was a nice sensation, feeling the warmth of someone he didn’t lose like he thought he had. He pressed a little harder, the last of the tears squeezing out and rolling slowly down his face. With one last slight inhale through his nose, he forced himself to slowly separate from Lance. As he slowly moved back, he noticed the way Lance’s eyes were wide, the blue in his eyes vast and almost indiscernible.

It was then that Keith remembered he had never confessed to liking Lance, at least not to his face. His face grew hot and he couldn’t believe he was such a mess then, there, upon finally expressing what he had always wanted to. He looked at his hands, the ones that were caressing Lance’s face lovingly, and he lost the inability to breathe for a second.

Lance sat there, back pressed to the wall, trying to make sense of the tingling sensation still prevalent on his lips. He wondered if Keith could feel how warm his face was, through the one bare hand still on the right side of his face. He swallowed as he let himself blink, managing to maintain eye contact with the boy who had just kissed him out of the blue. “Uh-”

Keith’s eyes widened in response, his insides no longer drowning but instead on panic alert. _Shit, shit, shit_. “Ok, well,” he removed his hands from Lance’s face quickly, the absence of warmth really no loss, since Lance’s face was now on fire. “Let’s-let’s go then.” Keith rocked back onto his heels and pushed himself into a standing position, avoiding eye contact as he rubbed his face with the back of his hand. He placed his hands on his hips, looking everywhere except at Lance.

The blue paladin pressed his lips together slowly, relishing the feeling, before answering. “Right.” He looked away, taking a deep breath before looking up at the boy who had rescued him. “Would you mind helping me up, then?”

Keith looked at him, eyes wide, as he moved to lend Lance a hand in standing up. Lance grabbed on with his right hand, grimacing as he clutched at his right shoulder, groaning. Keith’s heart stopped as he helped Lance by allowing him to lean against him, their faces close.

“Thanks,” came from Lance, a little smile cast in Keith’s direction as his eyes remained looking at the ground. Keith didn’t blame him for not making eye contact. After all, he was doing the same.

“Of course. Now hang on. We’re going to get out of here.” He tightened his grip on Lance’s waist without thinking and picked up the both of their helmets. Keith didn’t let go of Lance until they were back inside the palace.

There was a flood of relief as the doors opened into the main room and everyone rushed forward upon realizing Keith had Lance with him, alive. “Lance!” Allura’s face was wrenched with worry. She held a hand over her mouth before dropping it, balling it into a fist. “What were you thinking, Lance? Why didn’t you respond?”

Keith tightened his grip on Lance’s waist once more and was about to bite back when Coran cut in.

“Now, Allura, I understand where you’re coming from and it’s completely valid.” He set a hand on her shoulder. “But let’s give him a break for now. After all,” he let his eyes land on Lance’s shoulder, “he needs medical attention.” Allura pressed her lips in a thin line before nodding in agreement.

“Alright, come on then.” Her silver hair flowed out behind her as she spun around, walking off. Coran followed, then Shiro, who gave Lance a small smile before following. Hunk and Pidge walked alongside Lance as he leaned part of his weight against Keith.

“What happened?” His friends asked, gently, doing their best not to be frustrated. “Lance?”

“I’ll...tell you guys later.” He clenched his teeth before pressing his lips into a thin line, remembering what had happened right after he’d woken up. His lips tingled as he dared to look at Keith’s determined face as he kept his line of focus in front of him. Black hair was messy and his cheeks tear-stained if one looked close enough. Lance blinked softly as he turned to train his eyes to the floor. “Everything that happened.” He felt Keith’s hand slip from his waist and he was tempted to turn his head in questioning before he looked straight ahead and found himself in front of a healing pod.

“Here you go.” Keith let Lance stand properly and he extended his hand, patience etched into his eyes as Lance sucked in a breath before taking his hand and stepping up the pair of stairs into the pod.

“Thank you,” Lance managed, withdrawing his hand slowly, his fingers lingering against Keith’s. He realized what he’d done when the glass went up, separating the two of them physically. Lance felt his eyes flutter shut and Keith took a deep breath before handing over Lance’s helmet to Hunk.

“Here, give this to him when he gets out.”

“Sure thing.”

Keith nodded his brief thanks, his brain beginning to dive into a state of overthinking, about everything that had happened in the span of rescuing to Lance to bringing him back. The tears threatened to reappear, causing Keith to clear his throat as he walked away, one hand massaging his neck.

He gripped his helmet in his other hand, thinking back to only a little while ago when red had bumped into blue, causing the world to go completely still in the midst of tears and dissolving fear.

Still, even if for only a moment; it was enough.

He walked down the empty hall to his room, the streaks of blue glowing gently so he could see where exactly he was going. Keith pressed his free hand to the wall, stopping, taking in a few deep breaths, letting his thoughts finally catch up with him.

Everything was so incredibly uncertain.

He closed his hand pressed against the wall into a fist, letting the primary concern take over inside his head.

 _What if he doesn’t see me that way_?

Keith shut his eyes.

 _What then_?


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the third mistake?
> 
> Well, that involved the person he’d come to actually care for in a feeling beyond expression, beyond the stars, and beyond everything he’d ever known. It involved the fact that he put himself in a position for that person to worry about him, even to the point of...getting kissed and not responding to it like...like he should have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly expect 1 or 2 more chapters

The first thing Lance saw upon waking up was the dark empty room before him.

He reached out, confused almost, wondering when exactly the glass of the healing pod had gone down when he realized his fingertips brushed the low ceiling just over his bed. His fingers bent into his palm and he sat up, soreness a bitter reminder that his shoulder had gone through so much.

“Oh,” he managed, taking in the shadows in the creases of his blanket over his legs. Lance propped himself up, wondering just when he had moved to his own bed. He listened intently, picking up no discernible sounds and after hesitating for a few seconds, he threw his blanket off and moved to sitting on the edge of his bed.

After a few deep breaths, he stood up, the glowing streaks of blue on the wall burned into his eyes as he opened his door and was met by voices.

“Lance, you’re awake!” Hunk and Pidge both looked at him, startling him a little and he backed up, thinking back to the last time he’d heard a voice out of nowhere. He bit his lower lip, face starting to heat up, thankful that Keith wasn’t there.

“Yeah,” he managed, giving his two friends a small smile. “So, anything happen while I was out?”

“Nothing much,” Pidge crossed their arms in disappointment.

“Yeah, it’s been pretty quiet,” Hunk added. “Can we come in?”

Lance realized Hunk was holding something and he nodded slowly before moving out of the doorway. “What’s that?”

The door closed behind his friends after they had stepped in. “Dinner, Lance. You missed it by quite a bit.” Hunk offered a smile and Pidge supplied a nod. “It’s the equivalent of 10 p.m. right now back home.” At that, Lance felt his stomach curl, ache, at the thought of home. Despite wanting to drown, he took a deep breath and offered a smile, extending his hands.

“Thanks guys.” He said it softly, taking the tray of food and he looked down at it, noticing the weight in his hands and he set it down on his bed. He took a seat and clasped his hands together in front of him. “So, uh, how’s everyone doing-”

“Allura’s cooled down but she’s still sort of mad. Shiro is a little, too, Lance.” Pidge looked at him with unwavering brown eyes, wisps of caramel hair splayed across their forehead. “To be honest, we all are and-” Then there was an unexpected pause.

“And?” Lance ventured softly, wondering where this was going.

“Well, we don’t know how Keith is feeling.” Pidge finished and Lance felt his eyes widen, throat tighten.

“Yeah,” Hunk added, “we haven’t seen him since he brought you back.”

Back.

The air in Lance’s room fell silent and the first noise was a shaky inhale of a breath by Lance.

“Lance?”

What?

“Lance, what happened?” They prompted, patient. “Do you know?”

Lance parted his lips slightly, taking in air, his mouth beginning to feel dry. He moved his tongue slightly, as if he were going to speak, but then he placed a hand over his mouth. He rubbed two of his fingers over his nose repeatedly, feeling the hotness of his breath against the palm of his hand.

He recalled everything.

First, the searing white pain that coursed through his body when the blade struck him, cutting into him with no pretense. That was the first mistake.

The second mistake was knowing who he was, this ridiculous boy who didn’t really belong. It was just so easy to carve the pit and fall into it, and it made sense, his life in exchange to keep the others safe.

Especially...

And the third mistake?

Well, that involved the person he’d come to actually care for in a feeling beyond expression, beyond the stars, and beyond everything he’d ever known. It involved the fact that he put himself in a position for that person to worry about him, even to the point of...getting kissed and not responding to it like...like he should have.

Lance lowered his hand, touching his lips with his fingers, brushing them softly, then applying them harder, reminding himself of the pressure. He immediately felt the tears brim in his eyes, his insecurities calling like sirens, especially after all that. “God,” he whispered, his throat becoming raw. “I’m...I’m…

“Lance, take a deep breath,” Hunk spoke, anchoring him, and Lance shut his eyes, squeezing tight. “We’ll do it with you. Now, in.” They all inhaled, Lance’s still shaky. “And out.” They breathed out, letting it all go, and Lance placed his face in his hands. “Why don’t we-”

“I’m so sorry.”

“What?”

Lance curled his fingers near his bangs, trying to grasp at some short strands. “I messed up, so bad, I just-”

“Lance, you didn’t. Trust me, what you did was not anything you need to apologize for.” Hunk offered, brown eyes calm. Pidge looked away, staying silent. “Besides, what matters is that you’re home, you’re back, and that you’re alive. We love you, you know that, right?”

“Yeah,” Lance lifted his head from his hands, body tense as he gave his friend a small smile. “Thank you but, well, uh-” He felt the tears well up even more and he quickly wiped them away, taking in a few more deep breaths before beginning again. “Remember before I went into the healing pod? That I said I’d tell you guys everything?” He watched as Hunk nodded and Pidge finally looked at him. “Well, um-” He bit his lower lip, parting his lips once more only to have Hunk hold out a hand to stop him.

“You should eat first, get your strength back, after everything you’ve been through.” He offered a warm smile and Lance felt his chest constrict for a few seconds before he simply nodded, and without a word, he placed the tray in his lap.

Pidge and Hunk made eye contact out of the corner of their eyes and kept silent as Lance raised the first spoonful of food to his mouth. They pursed their lips slightly, and then looked back at their friend as he attempted to slowly chew his food.

He swallowed and then raised a second spoonful to his lips; he let the spoon bounce slightly in a hovering motion before setting it back down. Hunk and Pidge made slight noises of objection only to be cut off by Lance. “Guys, I think this will be a lot easier if I just tell you.

“Now, I know what I did was...hard for all of you. It was...it was stupid, I know that.” He trailed off, unsure if he could continue, before he shook himself out of it. “It’s just, well, they caught me, you know? It all happened so fast and when they threw me in the cell, well, I figured it was better that it was me instead of any or all of you.”

“Lance-”

“Let me finish.” He looked at them levelly, tangling his fingers together. “Please.” His friends shared brief eye contact before nodding and then looking back at Lance. “And, I passed out. Everything went dark and I just, if anything, I knew that sitting there, it was probably, really...I didn’t think I would see anyone again.” He paused to smile rather painfully. “I just, well, I accepted it.

“But the next thing I knew-”

_Lance- Lance! C’mon! Get up!_

“-Keith kept calling my name.” Lance raised a hand to massage at his throat, fingers moving, applying pressure.

_The dizziness in his head, the static, and the will to maybe, just maybe, hold out hope that he wasn’t hallucinating pushed Lance to try to open his eyes._

“He just kept saying it.”

_Like it was a prayer._

“Over and over-” Lance paused.

_He remembered looking at Keith, black hair askew, eyes glossy, cheeks stained._

_His eyes were wide, so wide._

“And over.”

 _Seconds after meeting the eyes of the boy in front of him did he realize that he was coming closer towards him. Before he knew it, he was being kissed, and it was his turn for his eyes to become wide, so wide. It was impossible to move, backed up against the wall, the sensation warmer than he could’ve ever imagined_.

“Then he kissed me.” He looked at his friends, expecting some sort of surprise to cross their faces.

Because the sensation was new, completely new; it had been his first kiss, after all.

There was considerable silence and Hunk and Pidge simply looked at one another, sharing a knowing smile.

Lance felt his heart flutter, as he sat taken aback. “Guys?”

“Lance, it’s no secret that Keith likes you,” Pidge stated, tilting their head down, still with a smile on their face. “If anything, I’m pretty sure even the enemy knows it.”

“It can’t be that extr-”

“Lance, you know what this means, right?” Hunk asked softly, smile growing slowly on his face.

All the nights he’d spent talking with Hunk flashed through his mind.

“I-”

_“I think I like him.”_

His friends smiled, then lost them.

_“Oh my god.”_

“Lance, hey, what happened after he kissed you?”

After.

There were no words, just fear on Keith’s part, covered up and shock from Lance, body unable to respond upon waking up after passing out. If only he’d been faster, he would’ve pulled Keith back in, back into another kiss, a second one, something.

“He, uh, said we’d better get going and he helped me out and...” Lance stopped, knowing there wasn’t much else to say.

He could feel the distance between the two of them growing by the second, the space all around him telling him so.

“Then you know what you need to do.” Pidge said, standing up. “C’mon Hunk, let’s go. It’s time to sleep.” Hunk paused to look at Lance, raising one eyebrow, silently asking if he still needed them.

“Yeah, you two should get some rest.” Lance rubbed the inside of his arm, the wound still heavy on his shoulder, a ghost. He smiled. “Thank you for the food and for listening.”

“Of course.” He watched as his friends waved goodbye and the door shut behind them, leaving him to his thoughts.

“God,” he managed softly, gripping the edge of his bed with his fingers. He waited a bit before he moved the tray of food to the floor and proceeded to lie on his back. He rested his arm over his eyes, thoughts criss-crossing through his mind.

And at the end of it all, he knew it would have to wait until morning.

Breakfast was fine, the tension a little less but still there regardless.

Keith showed up and he ate quietly, the look on his face still burned into Lance’s mind when Keith saw him sitting at the table. Eyes widening, again, and then he looked away.

Lance stirred at his food with his spoon, building up his courage to speak.

Keith watched Lance out of the corner of his eye, watching as Lance set down his spoon and looked down at his lap. When he raised his head, fear flooded Keith’s body. He scooted his chair out with as much calmness as he could muster, standing up. “I’m going to go.” He waved bye after he’d turned around, afraid to look back and see the look on Lance’s face.

When Keith had left, Lance watched him. His eyes were longing, an almost serene look on his face. After a few seconds of staring, he turned to find everyone hastily turn back to finishing their breakfast. He felt the back of his neck go hot and he looked at his friends, Hunk relenting into making eye contact first.

He simply nodded and then Pidge looked Lance dead in the eye.

“Go”, they mouthed and Lance wanted to succumb to his fear.

But that wouldn’t get him anywhere.

“I’m going to head off, too.” Lance scooted out the chair, refusing to make eye contact with anyone, the pool of fear heavy in his stomach. He walked off down the hall and stopped in front of his door, knowing full well he could run and hide; it was his last chance.

He took a deep breath before making his way to the door just next to his.

You can do this, he thought, raising his fist to knock on Keith’s door. “Keith?”

There was no response.

“Keith, hey, are you in there? I need to talk to you.” He knocked a few more times, his brain starting to present him with the possibility that Keith hated him for some reason. Lance bit down on his lower lip, telling his brain to shut up for once.

He waited a few ticks before sticking his hands in his pockets and decided it was time to go for a walk.

As he walked, he watched the glowing blue lights along the wall create streaks on the floor, moving in front of him, faster than him. He remembered when he was younger, how he would try and outrun the lights on the floor in the grocery store. That memory made him smile but also made the cut even deeper.

To get his mind off everything, he raced the lights. He ran, his feet pounding into the silver of the castle and he didn’t stop until he looked in front of him and he realized he was in the observation deck. He came to a halt, hearing his breathing and heart pound in his ears.

It was unmistakably, beautifully quiet.

He moved forward, pressing his hands to the sheet of glass that separated him from the stars outside. He curled his fingers and pressed his forehead to the window, shutting his eyes. Only when he shut his eyes did he realize that it wasn’t completely quiet.

He raised his head, stepped away from the glass, and looked to his left, making out the silhouette of someone with their knees tucked into their chest, the hushed breathing and unstable inhales muffled by Keith hiding his face in his arms.

Lance felt his heart melt out of concern and without another thought, he walked closer. When he was only a few steps away, that was when Keith raised his head to see who was approaching him. His eyes widened, again, and he immediately hid his face once more.

“Keith,” Lance started, kneeling next to the boy in tears. “We need to talk.” He said it as softly as he could, unsure if he could touch him.

Keith shook his head no in response, shoulders quivering.

Lance inhaled quietly. “This is really important, Keith.” He paused briefly. “C’mon, look at me.”

“Why should I have to look at you when you...you tell me you don’t feel the same?” A shaky inhale followed. “Why?”

Lance looked at the stars before answering, a small smile on his face. “Because that’s not what I’m here to say.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope to update as soon as i can
> 
> my tumblr is @bluethisisforyou


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lance, c’mon, we have to get inside the palace!” Everyone said some variation of this and Lance pinched himself hard, gaining enough control over himself to fly fast, racing light itself in the form of the stars. The loading bay doors shut immediately behind Blue.
> 
> This can’t be happening, he thought, heart thundering inside his chest.
> 
> He stationed Blue, impatience running in his blood as he ran to get out of his lion, his body flooded with pure fear. Lance ran out onto the bay, the silver too bright all of a sudden. So many feet away, Shiro was bringing Keith out of Red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all i have to say is this: :3c

Keith could’ve sworn the stars were messing with him, space finally making him go mad. Instead of lifting his head, he nestled it deeper into his folded arms, a new surge of tears coming forward. “I’m...I’m certain I know why you came here.” He sucked in a shaky breath, wishing desperately that Lance would just leave. “Don’t lie to me just to get me to look at you.”

At that, Lance sat back on his heels, taken aback. He couldn’t find any words and while he sat there, Keith took it as confirmation that he’d been right about Lance’s intentions. He curled his fingers into his folded arms, digging his fingernails in. He felt pain but it was nothing like what was inside his chest, unmistakably heavy and present.

_God._

Lance placed a hand over his mouth, parting his lips before pressing them shut without saying a word. Finally, after what seemed like forever in the midst of silence and Keith crying, Lance decided to speak, praying silently his words would be almost, if not, perfect.

“Keith, it’s not like that.” Lance paused, cursing himself for not speaking earlier. “I prom-”

The familiar shrills of the castle interrupted him, causing the both of them to jump. Lance let loose a heavy sigh, the impending battle second in his mind. He got to his feet and looked down at Keith, his face exposed and eyes red. His cheeks were painted with tear stains that were exposed by the starlight and without a second thought, Lance extended a hand. “Let me help you up,” he said softly.

Keith just looked at him, bottom lip quivering, and Lance wished it didn’t have to be like this.

“C’mon,” he moved his fingers slightly, all the others no doubt already dressing for battle. “We have to go. They need us.”

_I need you._

Keith pursed his lips, throat still raw, and then he took Lance’s hand. He felt his heart stutter as Lance pulled him up, his face suddenly close to Lance’s, lips only so far apart. A breath escaped his lips and he cautiously let his eyes travel up Lance’s face, meeting blue once more.

Lance held onto his hand. “Keith, I need you to promise me you will listen to me after the fight’s over.” The blue paladin’s eyes flickered down before meeting Keith’s eyes again. “Can you do that for me?”

Keith was tempted to shake his head no. However, the close proximity and warmth of Lance’s hand holding his made him nod slowly, careful to not to get too close.

Not now.

“Perfect.” Lance managed, and then stepped back, letting go of Keith’s hand. “C’mon, let’s go.”

It was when Lance let go that Keith found trouble following, only to be called out of his hesitation by Lance once more. He pressed a hand to his forehead, biting his lower lip as he followed, eventually breaking out into a sprint, along with Lance.

Their feet added to the sirens coming from the castle, feet pounding against silver, no longer a race against the lights. Lance kept looking back, slightly, and Keith focused on keeping his eyes right in front of him, doing his best not to notice Lance.

As they reached the room and the machines that would take them to their lions, they looked at each other one last time, Lance raising an eyebrow, managing a small smile. Keith nodded once, the ghost of a smile on his lips. They parted ways, red and blue, both incredibly distracted as they hastily put on their armor.

Once the both of them put on their helmets, they were immediately bombarded with multiple voices clashing, Allura’s coming out on top. “Where are the two of you? Keith? Lance? Answer me?”

“Yeah, just heading down.” Lance answered, as he ziplined down. “Sorry.”

“This is no time to be sorry. Just get your lion out there! The rest of the paladins need your help!”

“We’re almost there,” Keith tuned in, briefly. “Sorry.”

Allura gave a frustrated groan before tuning out.

Keith and Lance ended up in the loading bay at the same time, both running, acting like they didn’t notice the other.

Once inside his cockpit, Lance shook it all off. He switched on his lion, greeting Blue. “Sorry I’m late girl. Now, let’s go.” Blue waited for the door to open before taking off, out into the stars where the light was now being used for harm.

Keith waited for a few seconds before he switched Red on. “C’mon, let’s go fight.”

Red shot out into space and joined the rest of the lions.

“Glad you two could make it,” Pidge commented.

“I agree,” Hunk added.

“It certainly is good to know that you two didn’t cost us an arm and a leg,” came from Shiro and everyone went dead silent.

“Did you just-” Lance asked, a smile spreading on his face.

“Maybe.” Keith had to smile at Shiro’s joke, as he charged the enemy, fighting them off the best he could. He tried his best to also keep his eye on everyone else and they seemed to being doing just fine. Except, well, that changed when Pidge got backed into a corner.

Lance realized first, going to their aid, almost arriving too late as he threw Blue in front of a shot, only to be shocked when he opened his eyes to find that his lion was unscathed. He looked at himself, from head to toe, only looking out his cockpit window before realizing what had happened.

“Oh my god,” Pidge managed, quietly, and Lance saw his life flash before his very eyes.

His vision blurred as he came to terms with what he saw in front of him, Red’s body floating there, amongst the stars. “No,” he spoke, watching the red lion fall slowly from his view. He saw more stars in his vision, his mind swirling. “No, no, it can’t-”

“Keith, come in, do you copy?” Allura’s voice rang out throughout the paladins helmets, static ringing in Lance’s ears. “Keith, are you there?” It was just heavy static to Lance. “Give us something.”

Everyone flew to support Red.

Everyone except for Lance.

“No,” he whispered, his vision now blurry due to oncoming tears. “No way.”

“Lance, c’mon, we have to get inside the palace!” Everyone said some variation of this and Lance pinched himself hard, gaining enough control over himself to fly fast, racing light itself in the form of the stars. The loading bay doors shut immediately behind Blue.

 _This can’t be happening_ , he thought, heart thundering inside his chest.

He stationed Blue, impatience running in his blood as he ran to get out of his lion, his body flooded with pure fear. Lance ran out onto the bay, the silver too bright all of a sudden. So many feet away, Shiro was bringing Keith out of Red.

“God,” Lance started, never finishing. He ran and found himself in between his friends from the Garrison. Hunk placed a hand on Lance’s shoulder and Pidge took one of Lance’s hands, squeezing it tightly. Lance wanted to tell Pidge to squeeze tighter, to wake him up from this nightmare.

Shiro knelt to the ground, laying Keith down.

“Keith?” Shiro asked.

He didn’t respond.

“This isn’t happening.” Lance said, his words followed by the opening of an entrance. Coran and Allura ran over, worry in their eyes. “No.”

“Is he breathing?” Allura asked, coming to stand closer to Shiro.

Lance sucked in breath, his body becoming more unstable by the second.

He closed his eyes while Shiro checked Keith’s pulse.

“Yeah,” he managed, “but barely.”

“Get him up, let’s go to the pods! Now!”

Everything was white noise as Shiro helped to carry Keith, following Allura and Coran, the doors closing behind them, leaving the Garrison trio in silence. Lance felt his chest was going to concave, just collapse completely and he didn’t know what to do.

“Lance, listen to me, okay?” Hunk pressed down a little harder on Lance’s shoulder. “Everything’s going to be okay. Keith will be fine.”

_Fine._

“Yeah, c’mon, let’s go to the healing pods. We can watch over him there.” Pidge started walking, still holding onto Lance’s hand. They stopped when Lance didn’t move, his arm extended in a straight line from his rooted position. “Lance?”

And all of a sudden, Keith’s fear earlier made sense to Lance.

_“Why should I have to look at you when you...you tell me you don’t feel the same?”_

That fear, that maybe, just maybe, the outcome wouldn’t be in Lance’s favor.

What then, after not sleeping, after standing relentlessly outside of Keith’s healing pod, what if it was all for nothing? What if Lance’s fear was inevitable?

 _What if_?

“-ce? Lance? Hey, Keith’s gonna be fine.” His friends voices assured him and in response, he withdrew his hand from Pidge’s. He let it rest at his side, fingers tense as they slightly curled. “Lance?”

 _What if_?

“Lance,” came from Hunk. “Listen, I know you’re scared. I know your mind is swimming but we’ve got to go to Keith’s side. Because when he wakes up, he’s going to want to see his friends.” The weight on Lance’s shoulder became nothing compared to the ghostly weight of the wound on his other shoulder.

The day before flashed through his head.

“Lance! C’mon you gotta get up.”

He realized, if anything, Keith was there when he woke up.

Lance felt a tear slide down his cheek.

He owed Keith the same and more.

-ce! Lance, please,” Pidge pleaded. In response, Lance lifted his arm from his side, holding out his hand and without hesitation, Pidge took it. “C’mon, we’re going now.”

Lance squeezed their hand slightly and then the three of them made their way to the healing pods and to everyone else.

The halls felt so empty, so cold and the blue lights were now dull. Lance watched the lights on the silver beneath his feet until two doors slid apart and granted the three of them access. Wearily, he raised his head, taking in the room.

Allura and Coran stepped away from the healing pod, joining Shiro in standing close by. Lance, Pidge, and Hunk walked over as slowly as Lance needed, and they eventually reached the other's’ sides. There was an undeniable silence that dominated the room.

It was eventually broken by Allura. “He’s alive but he’s going to have to be in there until he’s healed to the point of him opening his eyes.” She cradled her arms across her chest. “We’ll just have to wait until then.”

_Wait._

“We should go and get some rest.”

Lance’s eyes widened slightly at that. “But, shouldn’t we, shouldn’t-”

“He won’t be waking up until the morning. Well, that’s the earliest he should be waking up.”

“You should get some rest,” Pidge whispered, nudging into Lance. “C’mon.”

_No._

“Right.” Lance felt betrayed by his body, by the uncertainty of the stars outside. “Okay.”

That was the first thing Lance remembered, when he woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. He breathed rapidly, clutching at the sheets, desperate to calm down. As he evened out his breathing, he stayed sitting up, knowing all too well he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. “Fuck,” he muttered, throwing the blankets off of him.

Once he was out of his room, he padded slowly down the hall, silver cool against his bare feet. The lights appeared brighter, a brighter blue, and his heart wished that it meant something.

Little did he know, it did.

In his healing pod, Keith eyes fluttered open.

He groaned, raising his hand to press against his forehead, the recent past a mess inside of his mind. “God,” he muttered, lowering his head so that it rested in both his hands. Everything ran through his mind from the moment he blacked out. He remembered what he had done, throwing himself in front of Lance. “Oh my god.”

Meanwhile, Lance finally arrived while Keith still had his face in his hands, his heart pulling him forward. One foot in front of the other, slowly, moving behind the blue of the castle lights. He walked as silently as he could, crossing his arms over his chest as he got closer and closer, until he stopped in front of the stairs. He swallowed before placing a hand on the glass, curling his fingers as he did so.

It was then that Keith lifted his head out of his hands, and he felt his heart speed up when he made eye contact with Lance. His eyes widened, and Lance gave him a small smile, one of relief, and he removed his hand from the glass. With the slightest bit of hesitation, Lance made the move to lower the wall of glass that separated him and Keith.

There was the slight whooshing sound, the one Lance knew all too well, and the glass disappeared from sight. Keith felt his throat tighten as he looked down at his feet, before looking back at Lance. “Hey,” he started, softly.

“Hi.” Lance responded, cradling his arms across his broad chest.

“Lance, I-” Keith did his best to take a step before he felt himself fall forward, his legs betraying him. He fully expected that he was going to hit the floor and have to spend a little more time in the healing pod. But he never hit the silver floor of the castle.

“Woah, are you okay?” Lance asked as he held Keith in his arms, doing his best to hold him upright. “You need to rest, Keith, you really-” He halted and Keith felt Lance’s fingers squeeze slightly before returning to just being there on his arms. “C’mon, let’s go. I’ll take you to your room.”

And all of a sudden, their places were switched. This time, Lance was holding onto Keith by the waist so that red leaned against blue. The castle was silent except for their footsteps and the sound of their breathing in the night. It was everything but easy.

Finally, they reached Keith’s room, without a word spoken between them. Lance slowly let his fingers slip from Keith’s waist, ready to say goodnight and most likely not get any sleep. He sighed quietly but felt his heart speed up when Keith took his hand and put it back on his waist. “Keith?”

“I think...I think, it’s okay for you to finish what you were starting to say before...this all happened.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to rest?” Lance asked softly.

“I rested while I was in the pod, Lance.” Keith smiled a small smile. “If anything, I owe this to the both of us.” Silence settled easily around them and Lance felt his heart flutter. “Now, let’s go in my room.”

“Actually, if you don’t mind,” Lance smiled, “I’d like to go somewhere else.”

“Then by all means,” Keith couldn’t stop smiling, “lead the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, yesterday, i was coming back from sf on bart and i sat across these two women
> 
> near my stop, one of them pulled out a hamilton play booklet
> 
> they had just seen it
> 
> i love hamilton a ton (as if you couldn't tell from the last line- also, my name's angelica, so you get it)
> 
> thank you for reading!!!
> 
> next chapter's the last!

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is @bluethisisforyou!! if you like this, check out my array of other klance fics, from my 1k ones to my 100k one <3


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